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annm1103,
I understand and sympathize. Your father may have expected better results from the Vidaza and resented having to be in a nursing home. You may not share his current pessimism but I'm sure you want to respect his wishes.
If your father was uncooperative with the doctors, that may be one of the reasons the doctors haven't had the best bedside manner with him or with your mother. Do you think it would help you to talk to his doctor on your own and get a first-hand account of your father's condition and prognosis? Even if he can't tell you good news about your father, it might be better for you to hear the facts directly.
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