[KathyM]

Hi Everyone-
This is my first time posting although I have been reading here for several months. My husband Dennis was diagnosed in October 2012 and will be haivng a bone marrow transplant at the end of this month. We don't have a definite date yet.

Even though we have tried to educate ourselves about all of this, we are still in a state of disbelief. He has just finished his 4th round of vidazza and is doing very well. He is still working and other than some tired days and doctor appointments he has hardly missed a day. It still seems like someone will call and tell us "it was all a mistake, we spelled your name wrong"

It is still so surreal. I did email the transplant coordinator today and asked for a more specific diagnosis which I posted on my signature, but honestly, I have no idea if this means anything good or something bad.

Can anyone tell me what all this means? I do ask the doctors, I do research but still - it makes no sense to me.

My H has an identical twin brother - at first we were so excited but as it turns out they do not want to use the twin because of the type of mds he has; they say the relapse rate would be extremely high with the twin but the gvhd would be very very low. He does have a donor (10/10 - 19 years old, male). However, with the unrelated donor the risk of relapse is low - but the risk of gvhd is high. More or less, pick your poision. He has decided to go with the unrelated donor.

I am so scared. Not that a diagnosis like this could ever come at a "good" time - this diagnosis came at a time in our lives where our children were grown, educated and living lives of their own - we are in the best financial shape of our lives after working hard for 37 years - my H just landed his dream job - 3 weeks later he got this diagnosis. All of our hopes and dreams, dashed in a phone call. I still struggle with the "why" and I'm so angry.

I have always been "glass half full - things work out for the best" type of person. But I am really struggling - why does life go on for everyone else?

I feel like this post is all over the place and I'm not sure I'm being very articulate. I have never posted on a forum like this and I don't even really know "what" I'm asking.