Originally Posted by PattiDean
Thank you so very much for your continued support and prayers.
Dean is still at Hospice, and the last two days have been so hard to watch. When Dean was first admitted on Thursday, he was very weak, but we were able to talk, mostly about how strong he has been through all of this, and our lives together over the last 23 years. We have been married 13 years, but have known each other since 1990.
Saturday night Dean began hallucinating, trying to get out of bed, telling me to leave him alone, etc., He was sleeping for short periods, then waking up and fighting with people or things that weren't there.
Yesterday he became more confused, he took off his hospital gown, won't let anyone put it back on, said there were cats in his bed, wanted to get up and fix the nail in the wall, etc. He has no idea who I am.
The nurses say he is possibly having small bleeds in his brain, because he probably has no more platelets. Ten days ago, at his final labs, his platelets were 8. Around Dean's eyes, the skin is a deep purple, and he has black bruises all over his arms, and neck now.
I hope it will be over soon. This is so difficult to watch. Even with all the medication, he is not sleeping, just for short periods, then he tries to get up and out of bed. I can't leave his room, when I have to use the restroom, I need to ask the nurse to stay with him. Tonight there is a volunteer that is with him. The nurses at hospice told me to go home for a few hours and rest, but I can't sleep.
I am physically and emotionally exhausted, I try to stay at Hospice constantly, but it has been five days now and I needed to come home tonight, although I can't sleep and will be going back to Hospice in a little while. As many of you know I have no family members, I am alone, that is making this even more difficult. I feel so alone right now.
Thank you for letting me write this post. I haven't slept all night I just don't know what else to do.
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