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Yes, I feel sad at the moment but as ever, I'll get over it.
I asked my brother for help. I was direct and to the point so there could be no misunderstanding.....he refused. I'm trying hard not to harbour resentment against him for this. He is very unreliable. He told my father he would visit him yesterday for his 86th birthday, my father waited expectantly all day....he never turned up, he never phoned. I'm sure there will be some excuse where once again, my brother was the victim of circumstances beyond his control......he's always the victim and is NEVER responsible for anything. I love my brother, but I don't often like him.
I used to think suicide was an individuals right. Having a cousin in Sweden suicide last year, a cousins husband in Sydney suicide the year before and this family friend this year......it's made me realise that it's an extremely, cowardly, selfish act. The devastation left behind is horrendous. The trauma for the spouses, the children, the parents, the siblings, the friends is awful.
I think the secret to dealing with life's slings and arrows is to ignore them until the immediate pain diminishes and you can think clearly and logically. So, with my head firmly buried in the sand I'll deal with day to day life.....dog to vet for yearly needles.....order groceries for delivery....cook special meal for Dads birthday......do the laundry.....take up and hem the new curtains....clean the oven (that's one step too far)......pay someone to clean the oven.
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